new year resolutions

I just had an epiphany. It's just that that I realized that I’d be better off if I channel all my energy by keeping my future in mind. Funny and how bitter it may sound, why would I waste my time fantasizing and getting all giddy over all the great things a guy could do for me when I could do it all by myself? If I dream of having an Edward Cullen then I’ll just die with a pathetic and disappointed face. Why would I wait for someone to tell me how great I am, to assure me that I’m special - when I can do it by achieving so much more.. So much ;it’ll apparent that I’m better off without others. I guess I can say that I’ll be a neurotic. Just like what Horney said, I’ll be the type who’ll be Moving away from people. The kind who over achieves to prove that I’m better off and superior compared to others. ( well not all, I am human after all. Keeping in mind that there are so many great successful people out there will be that catalyst)

Having too much expectations from someone is futile. Expecting nothing is a lot better; if a person is nice to me then great. If not, it doesn’t matter. I’ve been through this countless of times, it’s common sense to get the hang of it.

Being all giddy won’t do me any good. It will just have some drawbacks and after-effects. Why should I let myself go through that when I could feel a more intense rush of adrenaline if I channel all my energy into achieving? Summa cum laude might not be far fetched if I really put my energy to it. No more time to be emotional and weak. No more time to interpret all the so called sweet and thoughtful gestures. So what?! I want consistency. I want sincerity. I want reliability.
Why should I waste my energy dwelling on their petty actions? Their lack of tenacity, their incompetence. Their disgusting ways. It's not my business. Why should I get all disappointed when they’re so LOW and useless next to my standards? (Okay now i sound really bitter hahaha) I will just have to meet my standards myself. By then, I’ll be truly happy. Truly independent and driven.

I shouldn’t be dragged down by such pigs; I know I am so much better without them. And after all THAT, I shall be looked upon – superior and admired. Somewhat like a stone. But not emotionless. I will be ecstatic and enjoy my life full of success and glamour. I'll be happy and content with the love from friends and family.

I’ll be smiling and looking down on those bastards who didn’t take notice. I’ll laugh and smirk at the sight of their meager jobs and battering wives. (okay hahaha BITTER much hahaha)

This has become my new year’s resolutions.
By next year I’ll be:
- Strong willed and independent. I’m all about woman empowerment and not relying on the guys to do the work or the sweet stuff to make me feel special.

- Continue having a low-carb diet.

- Avoid sweets. Or better yet, take them in moderation. No more pigging out. waaah cakes and chocolates T.T

- Have long term goals. Being on the dean’s list isn’t enough. Summa cum laude tops the finish line. ( before landing on a killer job)

- Be proficient in Japanese- ENJOY KANJI.

- Be extra studious. It will all pay off in the end.

- Never let anyone else influence me negatively. Who cares if they think I’m a nerd? I like being organized and ready.

- Learn to drive. So that I won’t rely on others to drive me around. Which means more freedom!

- Not think too much when about to sleep. I’m doing it right now..when there’s no stress so there shouldn’t be any problem.

- Be driven and drown myself in passion!

-Be more ma-PR in social gatherings. I'm not a kid anymore who has to be baby talked about innocent questions. I'm starting to attend formal occasions such so I should really learn how to be more sociable. I also need to know how to small talk and make the most out of it.

-Be a pescetarian. Bye bye to pork and meat. But I still love my chicken. mwahaha.

- Be ambitious. Now, can I really be ambitious just by saying it? Hai! HAhaha

And lastly, I do hope that I'll be able to stick up to all these.

Gambatte ne! Fight-o! Omedetou gozaimasu.

yokatta

Before posting my New Year resolutions draft post, I just want to say that this year has been one hell of a ride. It was freaking emotional, I thought I was going to die. Kidding. But there were times that I was just drop-dead confused and lost that I just wanted the ground to swallow me up.

This has been the year where I felt so helpless and restless to the point that I cried almost every single day. And what's even more alarming, most of the time I wasn't even sure why. This year has also been a self-realization one too. (does that make sense?) I learned a lot about myself and have a clearer vision of what I am and what I want with my life. (Okay, does this sound essay-ish? But it's true!)

I'm glad that I've gotten used to being alone. I like it; actually. I'm not a loner, I'm just comfortable being by myself, that's all. I can just be what I really am without any pretenses or have any obligatory feeling to conform. I guess I felt so awkward when I was alone before because I was so used to adapting to someone else's behavior. But it's not like I pretended to be someone else when I was with someone - I just had this urge to please that someone. Now, I am comfortable with myself - to the very bone. (Well, most of the time)

This has been my toughest year to date. And I'm glad that I was able to survive it. There are more challenges to come, and I'm more confident now to face them. I'm starting to say goodbye to my childish ways and saying hello to something else. I guess it would be for the better.

I'm saying goodbye to my weak self; the one who always complains and quickly gives up at the sight of a problem. I'm saying goodbye to the little girl who pesters others for her needs. I'm saying goodbye to the low-confidence teenager who stoops down just to level with others.

I'm sick and tired of being a child. It's weird saying this after willingly acting like one. Whining and depending on others - it's sickening. Also, liking cute stuff and being all perky most of the time. (But I guess that's positive) I won't be saying goodbye to all of it. It's healthy to be childlike in some ways. I guess, I'll be toning myself down a little and just be more serious and determined this time.

Happy New Year everyone!

Gambatte ne!

Phew, after blogging my draft post, I was so relieved that I was able to get it all out. :) That's why my holidays look a lot brighter.

But I do miss a lot of people and a lot of stuff. I miss my high school friends. We barely see each other these days and there's this feeling that the spark isn't just there anymore. We should just get re-ignite it that's all.

And Miranda, you silly. I never mentioned this to you, But I always dream about you coming home. It always feel so real that when I wake up, I have to constantly remind myself otherwise. But that's alright that's okay, we love you just the same. :)

And to Josel, long time no see weirdo. It's weird that we didn't do our annual xmas shopping this year. But it's not too late. I always go to Divi on the 27th, where all the prices are down and there are few people. A tindera once told me that kinda sale usually starts form the 27th to the 31st. So gather all your pamasko and let's head over there pronto!

I havta go now. It's our traditional weenie roast in a blanket christmas eve dinner.

Ja! Meri kurisumasu!

Kampay!

It's a few hours before Christmas and I haven't taken a night shower yet. Eww haha. Okay, I think that was too much info.

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you and your family will have a lovely one.

Inuman na! Hahaha

some boring stuff

When all else fails, I can always count on a really good book to keep my mind from being stagnant. I just love how I can just pretend to be in someone else's world and learn from their experiences. For a while, I can escape reality of my ordinary life. (Not like I hate my life. I love my life. There's just this oomph deficiency. Haha.) I just read Sophie Kinsella's newest book Remember me? awhile ago after buying it last night. Haha. It was my first time to read a chick-lit book. Pwede pala. The plot goes like this:

Lexi wakes up in a hospital bed after a car accident, thinking it's 2004 and she's a twenty-five-year old with crooked teeth and a disastrous love life. But, to her disbelief, she learns it's actually 2007 - she's twenty-eight, her teeth are straight, she's the boss of her department - and she's married! To a good-looking millionaire! How on earth did she land the dream life??! She can't believe her luck - especially when she sees her stunning new home. She's sure she'll have a fantastic marriage once she gets to know her husband again. He's drawn up a 'manual of our marriage', which should help. But as she learns more about her new self, chinks start to appear in the perfect life. All her old colleagues hate her. A rival is after her job. Then a dishevelled, sexy guy turns up...and lands a new bombshell. What happened to her? Will she ever remember? And what will happen if she does?

Nothing much has happened for the past weekend since the break started. Just went to Glorietta and Powerplant last Saturday to get my share of the Mango sale. 50% baby. And ooh lala! I have a new brown padded coat for next summer (Europe). And I just gotta love all those cover-ups that were less than a thousand. The sale was crazy; we even stayed up till closing time at around 10 pm just to get most of the sale.

While yesterday (Sunday), we went to Bonifacio High street with Lola (she's 94) for a stroll and she bought me new havaianas! I'm sorry. But the last time I got one was a year ago. I think. And I think I deserve a new pair after using mine for walking like a gazillion miles. And hello Topshop elephant and koala undies sale. Hahaha.

Ugh. Nothing really inspiring or worthwhile to blog about. Obviously.

High

It feels like I've been stripped off something essential. I feel so hollow and...lifeless.

I hardly get inspired anymore. I walk around with no fixed thought. I have no essence of the future. Or am I just not seeing it all?

When I reach a state where I'm like a rock...and walk like a zombie, who do I become? When all the naughty giggles, messy curls, colorful frocks, karaoke frenzies, nerdy discovery channel trivia pouring, and pessimistic/worry wart personality all seize, what am I like?

Everything seems like a daze.

Nah, it's just for a few days. :) Nothing too emo. I'll show 'em all.

It's just too much for one day. It's just that I accepted the fact that nothing like it will ever happen..and I was happy with it.

But now...anything's possible.

My ego hurts more than my heart, actually. Haha. I guess I really did like 'em.

It's been a while since I last felt this way. I almost forgot how it hurt. But no worries, this is nothing compared to the last one. :D

i kinda miss SOM culture

To be honest, this is driving me nuts! The "bahala na" atmosphere and the laidback attitude are giving me a heart attack. How ironic. I guess it's just so different from SOM culture where everyone is competing (well not really compete, compete. We just did our best. But you know, setting the curve in SOM subjects and getting that exemption during finals). Presentations are organized and planned out ahead of time and people can get so OC. I hate the overly OC part, but I think I love the competition part. I may feel stupid and at the bottom at times - but that gives me the extra push to do better. To stretch my limit. To dig holes under my eyes until baggages form. To take too much caffeine that my body can't handle. To cry and whine about Porter's diamond, debit, credit, and derivatives. And then work my way through it 'till I get it.


Psy subjects are amazing, don't get me wrong. They're actually the most interesting subjects that I took in my entire Ateneo life. BUT, the atmosphere is just driving me crazy. Well, maybe just some people.

No fixed goals. No care in the world. Living just for the sake of living. Stagnant. Narrow-minded.

I must. I must. Remain on my toes.

And Megan actually told me that I was such a worry wart. A nerdomaniac. A study robot. Hmm I'm NOT THAT SMART TO BEGIN WITH. You're only supposed to call 'em SOSE people that. Not me. Haha. I'd like to think that I'm not OC. Sheesh. I'm FAR FROM OC. :)) But I do want things to be organized, at the least. I can be laidback too. I can be lazy too. I AM LAZY.

But I do love always doing something.

How ironic, really. I so contradict myself in various ways.

guess i'm not gay

I should be studying right now but I'm procastinating.  I've pretty much lazed around during the long weekend.  

I had a perplexing dream last night.  Most of if was a nightmare, I could tell.  But the ending was so perfect.  I was having a nightmare when I quickly ran...and then before I knew it, I was in the arms of MY beloved Ed Westwick.  Hahaha.  And...and...and... :D <3

You'll forever be MY Edward Cullen, Ed.  Hands down, I'll choose you over Robert Pattinson any day.  Even if I'm not a big fan of the Twilight series, deep inside, I'm still wishing for my own Edward Cullen.  But I know no REAL GUY will be like him.  Maybe that's why I don't like Twilight too much.  It just gets me frustrated because I know that I'll never have my own Edward Cullen.  No guy is that romantic and perfect anyway.   

But still, you'll forever be my fantasy Edward Cullen. :)  I'll see you soon again in my dreams, sweetie. (shucks, that sounded ewww haha)  And I just love love love your natural British accent.

How I wish I never woke up.

yawn

Ok, I just can't help it. Why o why must you be so cute and lovable?!? And why are you wacky it just adds your cuteness. :O I just want to hug you, squish you, kiss you, and call you mine.  (FREAKY MUCH?!)

But no, I musn't.  Things shouldn't be that way.

Miranda, you may have a slight idea who this person is.  Haha :D

AB vs BS

I am seriously getting uncomfortable and restless.  These past weeks have been rather boring and what else...disappointing.

I'm really not the person who gets all giddy when I do nothing in the group.  I'd rather do piles of work for a project rather than do nothing.  Seriously.  I'm not the freeloader type and I feel so useless when I don't get to contribute.  Ok, lemme rephrase that.  I also don't like doing all the work, but you know, I'd rather feel useful.

And oh, honestly, I HATE THE (too) LAIDBACK ATTITUDE.  I'd rather go study and panic over something than doodle.  I hate it when they look at me as if I'm sort of this nerd when I tell them I studied the required chapter.  A few months back, I might say that I love being carefree and all but I guess I only would have thought that because I was bombarded with various stressors. (ok whatta term)

AND I just despise people who are just so narrow-minded and empty.  Walang pakialam sa kahit ano.  Hell they're stuck inside their box they're not even familiar with because they ignore it anyway.

Well they're not all like that, just some of them are.  What's worse, I just can't shy away from them because...  

----------------------------

Hindi ako mayabang.  Hindi ko lang talaga kaya maging GANOON KATAMAD.

My other class is fun though, really friendly people and kinda OC too. :) And it's the right mix of OC :P

But my stat is rather liberating...solving is really tedious and I have no choice but to really work it out on my own because I can't consult with my classmates (I don't know them and they're a block). :P

Ugh why can't I think creatively anymore. so boring

It's weird when so much has happened in a span of 2 weeks whilst I can't even think of anything to say.

Okay, just lemme try.

Arra helped me with the Ycasiano (my in-laws) annual Xmas packing.  It's this thing where the Ycasiano family gets money donations from various donors to purchase different goodies to donate.  Each goodie bag typically includes 1 kilo of rice/sugar, soap, noodles, canned good, mask, stickers, clips for girls, toothbrush, toothpaste, powder, pencil, plastic toys, etc.  Usually Tita Agnes would try to think of "extra stuff" to put in the Xmas bag to make the kids feel extra special.  Like for example, before I think she included a raincoat in there.  She also put in headbands and colorful plastic toys as to diminish the image of a steoreotype relief bag.  She also demands that the mask or a specific toy should face the outside of the bag to make the kid smile when he/she sees it.  It's the little details that she's really proud of.  And I love it.  If I were the kid, I'd feel loved in a way.  Thinking that somebody really thought of giving me something out of the ordinary dole-out.  Tita Agnes even used to process the first 2,oo0 bags for girls and make us put in only the yellow and red toothbrushes.  When it was the second 2,000 batch already, we'd switch to the blue and green toothbrushes.  Hehe.  

This year though, with the international economic crisis and all, the quality of the goodie bag isn't that good anymore.  Gone are the canned goods, noodles and sugar.  No more headbands too.  But at least this year, they included slippers (yes, and cool colors too!), rosaries, sharpeners, notebooks, and medium sized soap bars.  The clips, pencils, masks, stickers, and toys are still there though; along with 1-peso snacks.  

Oh my gawd, if only you could have been there.  I think Arra didn't expect that much.  I swear, if you scattered all the mountains of stuff, you could swim in their house.  Ok scratch that.  You could dive and paddle your way around.  I'm not exagerrating.  Too bad I forgot to bring my camera, I could have shown you the REAL THING.  Haha.  Imagine 6,000 - YES SIX THOUSAND ITEMS PER "station".  Six thousand slippers in a corner, six thousand bars of soap in another, and a whole lot of other SIX THOUSANDS.  If you were there, you would never have thought that you'll finish EVERYTHING.  

The process is like an assembly line, pasahan talaga ng supot.  What's really tiring is, you can't stop once you sit down.  You'll get piled on and you just have to go on even if you feel like your spine is going to collapse or if you can't breathe anymore. :))

My whole body really ached dude. WAHAHA.  But the best feeling is accomplishing all that.  With that sacrifice, I think of all the 6,00o glad families. :)

-------------------------------

Tiki's debut during the night.  The program only lasted up to 10:30 so we had the dance floor till midnight. 

it's not yet over

Klein Sexual Orientation Grid

I scored an average of 1.95

0

1

2

3

4

5

6

Heterosexual

Bisexual

Homosexual

Meaning

This result can also be related to the Kinsey Scale:


0 = exclusively heterosexual
1 = predominantly heterosexual, incidentally homosexual
2 = predominantly heterosexual, but more
than incidentally homosexual
3 = equally heterosexual and homosexual
4 = predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally
heterosexual
5 = predominantly homosexual, incidentally heterosexual
6 = exclusively homosexual

Summary

The idea of this excercise is to understand exactly how dynamic a person's sexual orientation can be, as well as how fluid it can be over a person's lifespan. While a person's number of actual homo/heterosexual encounters may be easy to categorize, their actual orientation may be completely different. Simple labels like "homosexual", "heterosexual", and "bisexual" need not be the only three options available to us.

Take the quiz

So I also got curious because of Miranda. Haha. I guess the results are true in one way or another. Sometimes I just can't stand guys - they're such pigs and jerks. They're also wayyyy dense. On the the other hand, being completely homo seems out of the questions. There's still a strong part in me that squirms whenever I hear about butch stories. It feels like if I'm the lesbian it's okay. But when I see other "serious" lesbians, something in me points something wrong. Sometimes I think that I'm better off with a girl - they understand me wayyy better and I love the fact that I can be so crazy with them. It's so much fun. Butttt I don't know. There's something about guys that makes me feel attracted. Is it their bagong ligo smell? Nah. I like girly with musky tones better. Not the other way around.

To tell you the truth, I prefer going to an all-girls school over co-ed. But I want the girls to act crazy to compensate for the absence of guys. ( But I don't mean that I want lesbian relationships ha.) Haha. Okay, I am not making sense haha. No, I mean I like the girls to be game for anything and barubal. In short, I just love the high school atmosphere. Boys can get so boring. Their hirits are too gentle. Haha. Okay, I am sabaw. I guess you figured that by now already. :P

berserk

Ugh. I'm guessing that this sem will really make me burnout. I have tons of readings piled up for Theo and SA, and I have to study Intermediate Jap like there's no tomorrow. Dev psy's fine. Stat is tolerable (for now) and Personality is quite term-y. I think our prof already taught us about a hundered terms in a span of 2 meetings. And waa Jap, I think I'm gonna die. That's because my prof speaks so fast. And oh the vocab. I am DOOMED. Most of the time I have no idea what my sensei is talking about. She just blabbers. :S Well at least she's nice. And I like the fact that I get to learn more for future anime marathons haha.

Oh well, I'm off to bury myself in readings. Come on Ateneo, we should save trees! NO TO READINGS ANYMORE! Okay, just kidding.

It's been barely a week of class and I'm already wishing for a REALLY REALLY EARLY Xmas break.  I find school...quite boring.  Well not actually - at least I get exercise! I have no break during MWF and I have a CTC to bel 207 class so I've been basically running around campus and getting all sabog when I reach class.  I even took my car at that rate.  It's all my SA prof's fault.  She dismisses us 5 minutes after the first bell so that means I onlyhave about 5 minutes to run and look for my car.  And even after taking the car, I was still late.  The good thing is, my jap prof is very nice and weird anyway.  I like her.  Haha.  She even taught us to sing the te forms of group 1, 2, and 3 verbs using the melody of the song you better not pout you better not shout coz santa claus coming to town.  Utsurte mubununde kuitte guite su~shitte surushite kurushitte iku itte. Okay so maybe you can't get it when you read it but I'll gladly sing it to you when we see each other. Haha.

Anyhoo, I got my Mac Pro the other day and I'm trying to get used to it.  I still don't have a name for it though.  I was thinking between Zenith, idiosyncratic (ok maybe I could alter this a bit), or Bricolage.  I wanted it to have a meaning kasi.  And I also want it to sound good. Whad'ya think?

It's all about coco

I always delayed it because deep inside I wanted to believe that it wouldn't come true if I didn't think about it. For weeks I've been crying my way to sleep and was rather like a zombie walking around. But I guess I have to accept the facts and just be prepared in one way or another.

I don't expect everybody to get my point or to even sympathize. I know it's not that common to feel this way over such a thing if you haven't experienced it yourself.

I've never experienced something like this before so I never had this kind of depression in the past. I've been blessed to not have any fatal family tragedies so I guess I'm really not braced for anything like this. And besides, he's family to us. Scratch that. He IS family.

It's about Coco. You know, my cute lil black dog who I've had since I was nine. The dog who was constant companion, playmate, and friend. I talked to him often when I had something troubling me, and sure enough he listened. (well I guess he didn't have a choice anyway since he can't talk).

Coco has always been and always be the number one dog in my heart. He's so affectionate and gentle, he could probably look after a baby. He's like a person, he likes to cuddle up and be babied not like other dogs that just sits there and lets you pat their back.

There's been countless of cases wherein my friends who were once dog haters were transformed because of Coco. He's so malambing and cute, even a thief who might break in might fall in love with him. He may be a mutt, but he's the perfect mutt that I love so much. :)

He's been coughing nonstop these past weeks and he's been to the vet for 4 times already. Several tests have been administered and well..the vet just doesn't know what to do with him anymore. The heartworm thing turned out negative and the blood test went out fine. He was also given various antibiotics to cure the cough. But...it seems that nothing's happening. I feel so sorry for him when I hear him cough like there's no tomorrow because I don't want him having a hard time. It's just really heartbreaking because I know I can't do anything about it. His coughs are very hoarse, just like of a human's when they have dry cough and can't spit the phlegm out. It's like when you feel that your lungs are these tunnels that have nothing in them so the air echoes when you cough.

We just went to his new vet yesterday and Dad and Yaya waited in line for 5 hours! The vet is very thorough kasi. And the animals that are brought there are being raised by breeders so I guess this new vet knows a lot. She even attends conventions abroad! Next week, she'll attend this convention on dermatology of cats and dogs. Hmm..interesting. She gave Coco a new set of meds and asked us to bring him again tomorrow. Well at least today he didn't cough that much. I hope that's a good sign. But I'm really nervous about his heart. It was found in th x-ray that his heart is big. It's actually natural when a dog's old and usually gets in the way with the respiratory system. Hence, the coughing. (I've also researched about it in the net, btw. A lot of home remedies too.) At least I know that Coco isn't the only one experiencing this. And a lot of pet owners give advice too. But...that doesn't lessen the pain of knowing that he's having a hard time.

How I wish my dog can just have a lifespan like of humans. It's reality that everything and everyone will die anyway. But it just hurts...

I think I'll just ask Yaya to bring Coco tomorrow even if I don't have classes. I just don't want to break down there. In front of the vet and the other pet owners. I'm trying to be optimistic but I also need to be realistic for my own sake too.

not even at the brink of smiling while running my ass off

For the past few days, my social calendar has been everything but empty. It was barubal night with Iv2 again last Friday.

Me: *enters the room* Hi santi! Uyyy! Wow sobrang coincidence na andito rin iyong iab noh? (may hawak na cake na may malaking candles na 18)

Santi: Hay nako raffy! Hay nako! Sabi ko na nga ba e!

Me: Huh? Hindi, wala lang talaga dumating ako. Wala lang talaga iyong cake na to. Wala rin iyong candles na 18. Ang feeling mo naman. Di to sayo noh.

Cy: Raffy, alam ba ni Santi to?

Raffy: Alam niya, pero di talaga.

Haaa?

Belated Happy Birthday Santi! And I missed you IV2! In fairness, our attendance is getting better! Were we 11 or 14?

Saturday was supposed to be a mall day with the block but I guess my block is just so loving that only 4 of us showed up. Good job guys. I just knew you loved us soooo much. :D

Night time was another night with II2. We originally planned to watch a benefit event for this cancer thing with the Bloomfields at C3 events place in Greenhills but when we arrived, we kinda found it boring and stuffy so we headed for World Music KTV at Promenade. And whadya know? Oliver was there too and even joined in the retarded singing. Haha kudos to you, man.

Andddd...drumroll please................

It was my first day back in school today. It was...rather boring. Crisostomo, who is blacklisted as TERROR is my prof. I hope I don't regret my decision of enlisting in that class just because my mgt class is there.

Same goes with my SA. Well I haven't heard any news about her to label her terror, but it looks like it's just going to be a big snore fest. But at least my jap class looks interesting enough. Most of my classmates are 3rd and fourth years. And I don't know anyone. Well except this one guy who was also my classmate when I took JSP 101 hahaha. Our prof made us go around and introduce ourselves to our classmates and ask random questions...in japanese! That was quite...fun...and confusing. Hmmm hahaha.

I had to run my ass from CTC to Bellarmine! And shizz, I almost slipped. Good thing when I sat down, the prof called my name for attendance. Ooooh haha. I'm seriously considering riding the car.

Now that there's only one more week left for sembreak, I think I'm gonna cry. Last year's sembreak felt so long that I couldn't wait to (okay, so maybe I wasn't that excited) to start the new sem. But now's different. A month went by so fast, it didn't even made me feel...bored. I don't want it to end so soon.

I just finished enlisting in my classes a few hours ago, and eureka! I finally got yoga after all these sems. At least that's a pro. I have a 730 class though and you know how I am with early classes. Oh well, life's like that.

Since all the people at multiply are posting their scheds, here's mine. It's not as if anyone would stalk me in the first place. I'm not that interesting to begin with. Haha

I'm not bitter

I can't believe it. I love being this way. Nothing to get nostalgic and emo about. Nothing to make me tear up whenever I hear sappy love tunes. Nothing to share when my girlfriends rant about how guys can be such jerks.

I'm officially not in love or even in like with anyone. :)

tourniquet

We went to Makati today with my family, and I watched HSM 3 again! Yeah, I know. You can tell me how baduy I really am. But that's okay, I love being baduy. The choreo is just amazing and the soundtrack's a lot catchier. And it has less of those "unity/together-ish" messages that can be used in grade school presentations. The plot's even a wee bit better, tada!

On a more serious note, I've been having more nightmares these days. What I observed is that I only usually have nightmares in periods. What I mean is - it's either I don't have nightmares or I have nightmares all days in a week. I guess it's just my bad sleeping posture. (It's in psych anyway)

Coco has been sick lately. He has something like a bad case of a cough - he'd usually cough and wheeze during the night. But good thing he's better now compared to a few weeks ago. His cough got so bad that I wasn't able to sleep at night because his coughs lasted all night. I also cried because I felt so scared and sorry for him. I just don't what to do if ever he goes to heaven one of these days. I might just crash. He's been with me since I was 9, and it's just really hard for me to imagine a life without him by my side.

He'd gone to the vet for 3 times already, and each time, they'd give him different kinds of medicines. Just yesterday, I just learned that he had a big heart. Which means, he has to switch to a healthier kind of dog food (it even has lycopene and omega 3) and can't go out anymore. :( Oh well, it comes with age. I still hope he can still stay by my side till I dunno...till I die? Why oh why must dogs have shorter lifespans. :(

tequila sunrise

My body has been improving. I can now sleep as early as 11 and even woke up as early as 5 am! Normally I'd only be in the 1st stage of sleep by that time. But now, I can greet the sunrise! I almost forgot how great the feeling is when it's early morning (and had a good sleep to boot) and I hear the bird's chirping while the sun gently peeps through my window. It's just nice, and it feels a lot better than waking up to the prickly afternoon sun and the husky tones of Yaya's love radio songs.

la la la

Never in my life have I gone to Sm Megamall 5 times in one week! It's my laptop's fault! It still went crazy right after I had it reformatted so I had to return it to have it fixed again! And after all that....the task manager won't show again. I think it's some virus coz I've tried researching about it and tried all the other methods on how to fix it. I actually thought that I fixed it, but then when I restarted my computer, the task manager wouldn't show again. It also won't shut down properly. Like the blue screen just stays on forever. So I have to remove the batteries every single time! I know it's bad...it's also painful on my part ya know!

But I guess I'm just fine with eveyrthing coz I'll soon get MY NEW BABY!!! A Macbook Pro! :D Yes, goodbye stupid windows viruses! And goodbye cluttered software! And goodbye to installing multiple media programs! Hahaha! I'm currently thinking a name for it...I just have to! :)) Hey, I named my Nikon D40 Zephyr and my sony vaio Kyouya. I even named my ipod mini summer popsicle and Hikaru for my 3G Nano ipod. :)) I guess it's just fun "building" memories and pretty art with gadgets as if they were people. :P

I already know my sched for next sem more or less. That's why I'm forcing myself to sleep and wake up early so my body clock would adjust. I have a 730 class again for crying out loud. And katips traffic is really just hell at that time! You're racing with the gs and hs people! Plus, most of my classes are in Bellarmine. Huhuhu T.T I'll be studying away from civilization! haha. But at least Megan turned out to be my blockmate. At first, I didn't know how to react because I wanted to meet new people and stuff, but that's okay. At least I won't have to go through the awkward stage of trying to know people. I know some people in her block anyway.

My sembreak's been practically very tight. I was never bored! :)) If I had to stay at home, I would feed on anime and series! But I'm usually out and walking about. :P Just the other day, we made tambay at Feliz' pad at the Fort! It was estrogen and MSG day! It was so fun!


Last week I also went out with a couple of blockmates at trinoma. We watched The Chanting 2 and we found it corny and forced. Haha. But that still didn't stop me from hiding behind the popcorn bag! WAHAHA. We also did karaoke! Hahaha KJ nila Oli and Renz. But I guess, I can't blame them. Maybe they just got intimidated by my supreme singing and dancing skills WAHAHHA.

My block was supposed to make tambay at my house today but it didn't push through anymore coz only few could come. Plus, all of them are guys! Hmmm I still like my share of estrogen, thank you very much. I called up Kay last minute if she wanted to hang out and we did! We watched Tropic Thunder and Sex & the City then Kookie came and joined in the fun! Hahaha another pig out session. :)

And then tomorrow...another day out for me with Josel and May! Yay! I miss our baboy trio! Hahaha.

Oh shucks, I think I'm too perky with this entry. :))

All my loving to you

I changed my layout again! But I'm not satisfied though. I just played with the codes and some pics. It looks....plain...and ugly. Haha. Oh well, I got dizzy reading the html, I wanna sleep na.

But oh, I have kwento.

Last Wednesday was the Bloomfields album launch (yes, I USED to be a fangirl) and I went! Of course, now's even better because Kookie, Kay, Arra, and, Bea were there! I was also able to meet Kookie's DLSU friends - Lu and Dianne.

It was my first time to see Jj's other bro, JC! And might I add, he's so good-looking! Hahaha. He even gave us free beer because he misunderstood us when Lu asked him if he was the one who'll drive us home while he was holding a bottle. Hahaha. At least it's free :) And he gave us seats.

Jc: Alam mo kanina, nung nawala kayo, minura ako ni JJ. Hindi pa ako makahanap ng upuan for you guys.

"Balita ko flirt kapatid mo, totoo ba?"

Jc: Hindi! Hindi...(?)

"Sinasabi mo lang iyan kasi kapatid mo e!"

Jc: Maliit ba iyong shorts na suot ko? Sa anak kasi to ni Pepe e.

(And oh...he has a nice...nice pair of eyes ano ba! =)) )

We were so funny! We spent most of our time eating at Pancake house because we got gg-ed! Hahaha, and Bea and I even hunted for Mong because Celine told us that she saw him! Okayyy. But we still watched them play for a while. We also got so giddy because of something HAHAHA. SHIT WALA NA KAYONG NAIINTINDIHAN NO? :))

"And I'll send all my loving to youuuuu (***)"

We have uhm a secret...hahaha. It has something to do with you know..****** and somebody else.

Okay, this isn't making sense anymore. I just wanted to blog because I'm still a bit giddy over it.

But I seriously missed Miranda because of this! Nobody was there to twist and shout with me! Oh the memories! It was when Rocky announced it as the BEST GIG EVER. Everybody was already dancing and we were in the front row. They even danced WITH US (yes, with me and Miranda). Oh well, going to their gigs just isn't right without you freakazoid. Haha. Miss you loads! Sorry I couldn't say hi to Pepe and your cousin Rocky. I only got to talk to jayjay e! Haha. Maybe next time :)

Di bale, I'll send you a copy of their album and jj's beso! hahaha.

sembreak

It's sembreak already baby!!!! And it's rather odd that I'm not blogging everyday anymore like I used to when a break starts. I guess I'm just not that motivated?

Anyhoo, my days have been relatively "busy". Hahaha. I've even watched 3 anime series in a span of 2 days! Hahaha. But you seriously have to watch special A! It's just like ouran! But it's a lot funnier.

Here's the plot summary from wiki:

Hikari Hanazono has always been second to Kei Takishima. When they were six years old, their pro-wrestling loving fathers introduced them to each other. Assuming that she was the best in wrestling, young Hikari challenged Kei to a wrestling match only to be thoroughly defeated by him. Ever since that fateful incident, Hikari swore to beat Kei in school grades, sporting events - anything. To do this, she has enrolled in the same school as Kei since elementary. Now she attends Hakusenkan, an ultra elite school, that costs her carpenter father a lot of money. Hikari and Kei are the top two students in the school, with Kei holding firmly to that number one position. While Hikari considers Kei to be a rival and important friend, she is completely unaware that Kei loves her. The story primarily focuses on Hikari and her constant attempts to defeat her one and only rival, Kei, and how she finds love in their rivalry.

I've also watched Tonagura and about 2 episodes of Kanokon. Don't watch Kanokon. I couldn't bear all the perverted scenes. That's why I was only able to endure 2 eps of it. The main male character is cute though :) And the drawings are nice. I mean the eyes and faces are nice! Not the boobs hahaha. :)) And please, I'm girl enough. :))

The LS defense last Friday was relatively okay. We had our turn at sometime around past 12 and ended after an hour. It went better than I expected. And to think, we just studied the slides an hour earlier. :)) It reminds me of our LS group presentation haha.

Just for the record, seeing your very kenkoy blockmates in corporate attire can be VERY AMUSING. It's like seeing three year olds doing algebra. Haha. And yeah, we looked HOT that day. And I'll bring down my pride. My guy blockmates looked decent enough to sign a business contract. So professional. So sophisticated. Haha. It's true. Guys look a lot cleaner when they're clad in snazzy polos and ties. Hahaha.

We even went to Eastwood in our corporate attire, just for fun. Imagine us playing guitar mania, time crisis, karaoke, and the game where you have to swipe your hands and legs over or under the sensor as the music plays. Haha. They saw me play time crisis and witness me beating Oliver at it too.

Fyi, some of the boys even played basketball at the cov courts after the defense in corporate attire. EWWWW.

RJ: Lumalabas na tunay na kulay ni Ish. Dapat pala di galitin to e. Baka bigla tayong barilin.
Pete: Onga, walang tago-tago, baril lang nang baril.

Ehehehe. :)

We watched Eagle eye and even had the AJMA privilege card so we had a free ticket! Wooo! the movie was so cool! For the first 20 minutes, we all agreed that it was okay if the movie ended already because it's so action-packed! And oh shia <3>

Last Monday Cathy treated ten of us in the block to Club Manila East! Yeahboi. It was fun. A lot of petty sarcastic compliments and laughs, in fact. The water slide was just a big joke. You can walk and run on it without even slipping. I bet my plastic slide is even slippier than THAT. Hahaha. And oh, we went kayak racing too! Hehe, and yeah I lost. But I didn't finish last, mind you! My maskels are pretty tough you know ;) Our favorite pool was the wave pool, hands down. :)) We headed back to our rooms at around 6 and ate to our heart's content by stuffing our deprived tummies with sisig, chopsuey, crispy pata, and gambas. RJ even nibbled and licked his way with crispy pata bones. HAHAHA. Come bed time, we had two rooms but ended up using only one. We had four beds and two sofas beds all in all but we ended up just using 2 beds and 2 sofa beds. Yeah, it's just like what happened in our Islandcove outing too. Hehe. Well that was the original plan. We were pigging out with lotsa chips and sweets and laughing AT Oli's ATTEMPTS at joking when fatigue was pulling me down. But I guess sharing a bed isn't really one of my fortes so I was KJ enough to move to the other room and hogged one of the beds. :D It was pretty quiet at the other room so I went to check. Really slowly. And very discreet. Then the door squeeked. Then I peered. Slowly. Then they screamed. HAHAHAHA. They thought I was a ghost! Then Ad crawled into the room, thinking that he could make a second scare attack. It backfired though. Mark thought he was a dog, and hit him with a jacket!

Mark: Ano to? May asong nakapasok!? *sabay hampas* =))

But they weren't scared. Apparently when I got scared that they thought I didn't have a face, Renz suddelny went ballistic and sworn that a shadow reflected on the glass cabinet. And it was so far away! Then Ad crawled. So everybody was already too panicky to notice Ad's pathetic attempt. WAHAHAHA

Anyhoo, when I went back to bed, and was already dreaming, I felt something move in my pillow. Just like always I told myself that it was nothing and it was just probably my imagination so I bravely looked to my side. &*%^&$&%$! May malaking shadow sa tabi ko. SOBRANG LAKI NA SIGURADONG SI RJ IYON. NAKATINGIN PA SA AKIN AT SOBRANG DI GUMAGALAW! Oh well.

Then when I was already fast asleep already, this Oliver freak barges in then bursts into a happy birthday song! BWISIT!

Third attempt: RJ slowly goes in the room, covers the LCD of his DSLR, then makes pasimple and finding the "right" time to take a picture. My eyes were wide open so I blatantly told him to drop it.

Ish: wag ka na magpicture.
RJ: DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNN

Hehe we woke up at around 7 then ate breakfast then checked out. Then it's RJ's pad! Karaoke, tulog ulit, then kain ulit! Sisig again and sinigang na baboy! Grabe, sobrang healthy living. :)

is this all a dream?

When life gives you too much too handle, you break down. Then you don't feel anything anymore.

But I won't be a spoiled brat, I'm okay. In fact, I have it easier than the others.

It's just that I've been having dreams of me being dead and being helped by spirits. It's rather odd and freaky because it's my first time to encounter such dreams. It felt so SO REAL. I really thought I was dead.

I'm not even depressed right now, I'm not even that burned out.

balancing act

I'm so happy! I'm officially a Psy major! Woohoo! After ALL the frustrations of dealing with the uber sungit psy dept secretary, asking SO MANY QUESTIONS, travelling from different departments TO ASK MORE QUESTIONS, burning calories from al the walking, and dealing with the uncertainty of EVERYTHING.

It's finally over. And it's worth it. :) At least for now, I can say that. Haha.

I'll be "overloaded" daw according to the psy dept next sem, but poo, it's just another mere 25 units for a sem. Haha. I can do it again anyway. :P

And yay! I don't have to take summer because of stat! I'll take one next sem and take the lab during my 3rd yr. :)

SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS??? HELLO EUROPE!!!!! :D

ehehehe.

And oh, I'm at the RMT right now, killing time before I head to Magis.

Then it's Trong's debut later.

Then another Magis day tomorrow.


Sci10 long test and Psy long test on Monday. Math makeup class at 430 also on Monday. Also another day for Magis.

Oh wow, how hectic! Also another project for Math due on Tuesday! Oh gad, all the lorenz curves and interpreting the NSO stats makes me dizzy. I still have no idea how to work the regression software :S And last long test for Math on Tuesday! Wooh! Then finals na lang!

Wednesday? No classes, but another Magis day for me! And LS finalsssssssssss.

Did I mention that I had a super long dayyyyy yesterday? 10 am interview with Psy head, Sci10 Bonus orals at 1215, Nstp consultation at 1240, class time till 330, fixing of shifting up to 430, 430-630 Nstp processing, then Mark and Julia's libre at Pizza Hut! at least, I didn't go to Magis anymore. But hello hahahha. And oh, Math research till 12 :S Kamusta naman.

Hay, it's almost over. Iilang hinga na lang. Yuckkk parang mamamatay na ako. Ilang araw na lang. MATATAPOS NA!

So there, I have no idea how I'm gonna balance my time this weekend. SHIT. 2 long tests on Monday then Magis days pa because of Math LT and finals.

Buti na lang Trong I love you so much! I'm going to your debut baybeh!

WOOOOH!

P.S
BONFIRE ON TUESDAY!!!! \m/ Go Ateneo! I WAS THERE MEHN!!! Raffy gave me a ticket the last minute :P You should seriously tell me asap if you have tickets mehn!!! I made new friends at Araneta. I braved the gen ad, with no companion! Haha. Yan nagagawa ng game e. You hug strangers hahha. Nah, I saw Gwen and her blockmates and some other people I know, so okay na rin. :) Good thing I went! This so gonna be LEGENDARY! And I was there! hahaa

Okay, enough of that. Gtg!

Wish me luck. :)

Aja!

he loved yoga

It's simply indescribable when you discover that someone you know just died. It's weird and shocking in a way...but most of all, it's heartbreaking.

In a time where death isn't usually one of my main concerns in my day-to-day activities, it just seems so surreal right now.

I didn't know him that much, but it still feels like a punch on my tummy.

I do hope he's in a better place. :)

Rest in peace, Gab. We're all praying for you.

"Life is teh ƒ(φ) = φⁿ + 11φ² - 28φ + 1988"

just like sotanghon - a bit of sabaw and senseless noodles of the brain

I have this splitting headache right now. I think I'm coming down with a cold. It must have been all the dance revo-ing last night with Makis. I was too smart to stand in front of the fan to dry all the sweat. Yeah, just like a little hard-headed girl.

At least I'm having some progress with my school stuff. I'm almost done with the 2 psy projects and at least the fil docu has some content in it already.

I'm like super sabaw right now - I can't even think of anything to write. Ugh, I'm so slipping with everything. This sem has just been such a roller coaster ride. I mean that psychologically too.

I finally got my endorsement form from the guidance! Yay! After ten thousand years, I can finally march into the Psy dept secretary without feeling fidgety. You know, for HR standards, the Psy dept secretary isn't really friendly. It's as if she's blaming me that I'm shifting. And hello? Her kunot face was yelling at me as if it was MY FAULT that SHE LOST MY GRADES. DUHHHH like I gave it to her months ago.
Oh well. There's no purpose blaming her and complaining about it. At least it's almost over.

And yay! In a few weeks, I'll be saying goodbye to Math. Nyahaha. Well not completely, I still have stat but goodbye to Calculus! Hahaha. And ughhh goodbye DL na talaga. I just got my last long test and it was just awful. HAHAHA. hay :< But did I mention that I'm studying Math in youtube? It's actually very helpful and kinda fun. :P It was also fun watching all the calculus music videos where they edited the lyrics of Sexy Back and Fergielicious. Dirty babbbbbe I'll let you whip me if you integrateeeeee :))

Okay, toodles for now. I gotta bang my head with a book.

ridicule

GG naman. Just when I thought I was back to my logical self slash no love self, it hit me again. Haha and no, I don't have a boyfriend. Why are so many people asking me that?

It's just that I'm crushing on someone and I don't think it's healthy anymore. :S And I thought I was over him after being turned off by his teensy slacking. But NOOOOO, he's still so adorable I just wanna hug (and squish) him ! =))

And oh,,,I guess it just hits you like a truck when you realize you're getting older than for your own good. I just dreamt of someone I know getting married! And he just turned 20 last week! Hahaha CREEPY :)) But realistically, it is possible anyway. I'm not getting younger by the minute and I have friends who are in their twenties already. :S In a few years, most of us will be walking down the aisle. ORRRR could be prepping themselves for a life of being single.


Another test on Tuesday huhuhu. I NEED TO GET AN A! If not, that effing 6-unit subject will trash my QPI. I'll have to bid DL goodbye.

Just went to the workshop last Sat. It was practically all sharing shizz. But I guess I can say I know what I want now! Yay! Gogogo! Hay...the shifting process is so tedious, it takes a toll on my stress levels! Hahaha.

And oh, I'm really stressed about Fil right now. WAAA ALMOST ZERO PROGRESS and the deadline's in 2 weeks! I have to edit the docu pa, and the other interview was postponed so I have this strong feeling that this whole project will equate to uttermost disaster. We're eight in the group but nothing's happening. It's just not so me to have something so mediocre for a major project. Since I'm the one editing, MAS MALALA PA IYON. :S Me and the stupid windows movie maker.

I have my first game on Tuesday! Ye basketball! Hahaha don't watch!

I gotta go now, I have to cram and stress about everything!



Ja :D

Oh my effing gosh. I thought they weren't serious about making a pinoy version of Gossip Girl. I thought they were just making this random joke in desperate need for attention. Taena hindi pala.

I'm not a big fan of Gossip Girl. In fact, I think I've only watched less than 5 episodes so I can say that I'm really not a GG expert and so so...but I DO KNOW THAT THIS IS SO PATHETIC I JUST WANT TO CRY. Is this one of the Pinoy traits that we are so proud of? Proud of copying everyone else because our ideas just go to waste as the stupid government just ignores them? (ex. Agapito Flores with his invention of the flourescent light and the other dude who invented the car which ran on water) When Phil media bought franchises (dunno the appropriate term) of international "reality" TV shows or more like "copied" them, I recovered by just cringing. You know, Big Brother, Americal Idol, Deal or No Deal, Project Runway, etc...

I guess it was excuseable at first because it somewhat mirrors our society today and we kinda need it (like for money purposes..). And for like Pinoy Idol, we do have talent naman so it's REALISTIC to have that show.

But Lipgloss (THEY SERIOUSLY SHOULD HAVE GIVEN A BETTER NAME TO GIVE THE "SHOW" SOME TEENSY BIT OF LIBERTY) is so depressing. College pips could have written something better. And the characters...oh the characters. There's nothing new about them. I'm talking about no impact! Kailangan pa nila i-describe sarili nila sa harapan mo para magets mo ung character nila. WALANG FIERCENESS. Hahaha. And isn't GG supposed to be about breaking stereotypes in a certain way? But Lipgloss ( I can't believe I'm actually referring it as a show) is so old school-seen-that-done-that-NEXT!. It's so tacky. The acting is just as horrible too. And I'm so sorry, I like Saab Magalona but I don't think acting is really for her. It was painful to watch. Seriously, I'm even her blog reader buttttt really, she should just stay pretty in school or model.

And the girl in yellow? Poor her and her acting. "Mas mayaman...mas mahirap" #$%@$%*(&*!

And Cheska Ortega, the girl in pink, she's so cute! But I dunno, there's erally something about theater people on TV. The same with Sam Concepcion. Hahaha he's so adorable! But I think's theater's better for both of them.

And the other girl...bopek mehn :))

But the intro's so funneh! What up with all the perkiness? :))

Okay, parang ang sama ko, pero kasi sana pinag-isipan na lang nila ng mabuti 'to. Alam naman siguro nilang mas madaming maiinis kaysa matutuwa diba? (Pero malay natin, I might be wrong. Could be the other way around)

Ugggh I hate it. This is so infuriating. How could they?! Nawawala na magic ng GG. One reason (or mostly) why GG's so special is because it's more like a fashion show. All the lovely designer clothes which are piled over barely-there uniforms and punchy colors just pop out of the screen.

And how pinoy of them to think of a school named Linden High. I think I'm gonna hurl.

But hey, if you're someone who loves everything stereotyped since you're a social climber(but you deny it of course), poor acting, bubble-gum teen shows that's exagerrated IT'S SO IRRITATING ALREADY, and who eats lipgloss for morning, noon, and night, then this shows for you! :D

Enjoy!

And oh, they should have thought of another color combination for the uniforms. It kinda resembles maid uniforms.

XOXO,
DOTA

Study hard party harder

Haloo haloo! I don't really feel like blogging, but I feel this need to update. I'm gorging on some popcorn right now, I'm so hungry! Haha. And it's obvious with my figure. I'm gaining weight by the day! Huhuhu. It's the first time that my tummy bulges whenever I wear shorts of jeans! Eww big blob of lard! Hahaha. Okay, I'm not anorexic okay? It's just that...it kinda looks weird.

Math LT last Friday. Oh gawd. It was hell! And I thought it's supposed to be the easiest topic! Well the topic's relatively easier, but our prof won't let us get away with it! Hayayay. At least Oliver treated us to dinner. It was his bday last Friday - Happy Bday Oli! Hahaha. And I bet knowing that he was Sang's 1st kiss was the cherry on top of his bday! NYAHAHA. LIPS TO LIPS MEHN! MAN TO MAN! =)) My block's not super close but we kinda make up for it by being not mature. (immature's not the right word!haha) Remember last Xmas, we had a water balloon (more like plastic ng ice na tubig fight) at Bell field. We were soaked and even had to take a "bath" by the gripuhan in Bellarmine just to rinse off Oli's Mountain Dew splashes.

Sooooo instead of a water fight, we had a cake fight! Wooo! Hahaha. You should have seen Karla. Buong slice ng cake iyong sinubsob sa mukha niya. CHocolate Mousse pa iyon a. But really, we had our own share too! It was hilarious! More than 10 of us were screaming and running around the room! Hahaha!


Fooling around with Megan and Josh. Nstp in PACEC Montalban, Rizal. Btw, Androgyny suits you Josh! Hahaha.



OMG I MISSED YOU GAYS LIKE HELL!!!! HAHAHA I SWEAR! I miss laughing till I can't anymore. You know, till the air goes foul and all? :)) YOU GUYS ARE SIMPLY THE CRAZIEST! Hahahaha. Might as well call the mental hospital ( AND POLICE!), for ALL WE CARE! =))

We may look all girly girly now, BUT WE WILL FOREVER BE TOMBOYS! :D
I LOVE YOU FOREVER!

"Keng! Don't forget ako first kiss mo a. At hindi iyong isa diyan. HAHAHA." - judith

yeah. We kissed girls and we liked it. Katy Perry should be ashamed. Nyahaha kidding! :))

WE RULED THE DANCE FLOOR ME LADIES! Hahaha we brought the house down. Shizzzz talaga. :)) Talo pa namin UST guy friends mo keng! Walang wala ang hip hop dance nila sa ethnic-mrs-yalong dances and PMDAS dances namin! :)) AND OMGGGGG Arra! Ikaw ba yan???? Tsktsk. And megan, nagwala ka ata masyado kasi tinulugan ka ni L! hahaha

Basically, we all seemed drunk and high with cocaine but we weren't. Wala naman sigurong hinalong red horse sa four seasons dba? :D

We still aint that prim and proper! And I LOVE IT! Awww dapat sleepover na lang ulit lahat sa bahay! hahaha just like old times sake. Kulang na lang lumiyab, bumaha, gumuho at gumiba bahay ko dahil sa inyo! :))

"Antonette, pag nagpalit ka into jeans, iikutin ko iyong boobs mong parang doorknob. Magdress ka!" - Carmel
We are the coolest and hottest kids from the block. WENK HAHAHA.
Yeah, dancing with girls is much more fun than with guys.

I missed you to death bheibez! It's OUR world and THEM.

P.S

I'm done with the Twilight series! The ending was rather disappointing, it just proves that it's really for kids. Sorry, I'm not a sucker for fairytale like endings and overly mushy conversations. But the saga is okay. For one, it's really easy to read. That's why I was able to squeeze it in between acads. The 2nd and 3rd book, I liked better and was less cheesy than the rest. There's also more essence and gore to it so it's not that boring. :)

And ohh Dad bought me 2 new Haruki Murakami books! Yay! Back to surreality and mind-boggling existenstialism shizz! :D

reading makes me forget

I'm done with the 2nd book New Moon after like reading it the entire day. My eyes are kinda blurry right now but this usually happens when I have reading marathons. It's like I can see the outlines of all objects separating from its body...in a blinking way too. It's distracting, really. The 2nd book is more interesting for me. And that's weird since most of the reviews I've read claimed that it's one of the boring books of the saga. They also said that the 1st one was well...dreamy, romantic, sweet...interesting choice of words actually. I find the 1st book too cheesy for my own good. I'd roll my eyes everytime all those OH-PLEASE-LEMME-HURL scenes. Some may call it sweet. I see it as some pathetic pick-up line conspiracy.

I seriously have to do something related to acads tonight. 2nd Psy LT on Wed. Quiz in Math on Wed too. And LT 4 for Math on Thursday. More filming for our Psy "indie film" on Thurs and Fri too. And oh, another quiz for Fil again on Thurs. I'm not really complaining...I'm just worried.

I have curls now! Hehe, it's something new. I just wish that not as much people would pull it ya know! :)) At least these will keep me form chopping my hair off again because I'd simply look like a bad mushroom if I did that and I kinda missed long hair. It's been the longest time since I grew my hair really long so maybe this time I'll be successful.

My Dad bought an LCD TV yesterday! Hahaha FINALLY. For the past year, he'd be stuck in those appliance stores; eyeing and asking all the possible questions about LCD TVs while my Mom and I would shop around the mall. Last week he was so smug and excited to tell us that he was finally going to get one. 32 inches with speakers and the works. It was also down by 8K compared to its "partners" in Sony and Samsung. The only problem was that its brand was like the ones that scream "Made in China!". It was SKY something...not exactly sure. I guess our amusement or more like panic got into him to the extent that he brought the Sony Bravia one just yesterday. Nahiya naman daw siya sa mga panglalalait namin. Kaya sige na lang, Sony na lang daw. Hahaha. My Dad's so funny, you shoudl have seen him when he had this moping moment hahaha.

Hmm...I guess that's about it. I have to cram now.

happy bday kay!

Dear Kay,
Gee, it's been what? 8-9 years of sheer fun and all-out craziness? It's difficult to recount all the things we've been through since we've known each other since our weight was down by 30 pounds or so and our height started as eensy-bitsy 4'8? Magkabarkada pa tayo nun. Together with Rachelle and Vian. We were all so girly-girly- preparing the tiniest details for our slumber parties. We would even plan the color of our pajamas, the videos we would rent (sorority boys, Olsen twins movies, and blairwitch project! Remember?) I'd also shop for Doritos - our fave chips and you'd always be in charge in brininging the chiz whiz dip. We would also play Mystery Date like there was no tomorrow and did our nails and hair as if we were about to go a prom. It was pretty much hilarious, actually.

I remember our fondness of autograph books with all the "Thanks 4 da space" and all that jazz going on...it was fun. You were crazy about Mike Shinoda and memorized all the Linkin park songs. In the end was your favorite and you rapped it like no one of us could. You even sang "Mi-mi-maykkkkk shinoda" instead of my Shirona(tama ba?).

Come high school, we were lucky enough to be classmates and even went to school together on the 1st day in fear of getting lost. And the rest was just history...the oh-so-big ii2 barkada was formed and we were just unstoppable. Barubalan and kagaguhan here..you name it...we DID it. Haha. We slept during class near the garbology, even used pillows and blankets. We even had a Mr Doods pet for a while near the garbology rack.

Come 2nd yr, forever tambay at my house. DVD marathons, R18 movies, horror movies, comedies...we watched 'em all! And we even had the dignity of rewinding and slowmo-ing all the EHEM scenes. Credits to Judith and Carmel!

Saan-saan narin tayo nakarating sa pagtakas sa pagcommute. Hahaha. In short, we've been through grounds, hormonal highs, tomboy phases, and every phase we might think of. You've been one hella friend, Kay. And I'm super thankful that I met someone like you. Having adventures with you is fun beyond words! It's amazing how we did it. We all thought that the resectioning thing would come between us but NO! It even made us closer in a way! And sa college rin! Thanks for helping out the play haha.

You're definitely a keeper Kay. We may not see each other as much as before, but I still love you the same. Just always remember that we're practically neighbors and you can ring the doorbell anytime. Just text me beforehand, okay? :P

Hehe, love you Kay!

And oh, before I forget, HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY! HAHAHA

twilight mania?

I just finished reading the 1st book of the Twilight series, Twilight last night after buying it out of curiousity the other day. Yeah, I know. I'm such a loser for not reading it early on. Loads of my friends would try to shake me into sense by reading it, but I just didn't budge. I quote Tiff and Megan.

Tiff: IShiiiiiiii! ANO KA BA! BUMILI KA NA NG TWILIGHT!!!! MAGANDA SIYA AS IN MAS MAGANDA PA KAYSA HARRY POTTER!!

Megan: Gumugulong ako sa kilig dahil sa 1st book. Mababaliw ka talaga!

Hmm...what can I say? The book's fine. It's not exactly one of the best books I've read but it's not the worst either. Don't strangle me now, but i found it quite boring and well...a tad too cheesy for my taste. It's so surprising that Megan's so crazy about when I'm not because I'm usually the "romantic one". She's usually the rocker slash deadma kind. Hahaha. I don't know...it's kinda a light read. In my opinion, it's a bit of chick lit too. It's not chick lit because of gossip, boys, and sex. It's chick lit because it attracts female readers more. It makes them believe in fairytale-like scenarios where there's always gonna be a knight in shining armor to sav e the damsel in distress. And it kinda pleases some by making the girl too ordinary to the point that it's too absurd. It contributes to the mentality of "do-nothing. Everything-is-determined-by-luck-sorry-ka-na-lang kung di-ka-trip-ng-gwapong-character" . It doesn't speak of woman empowerment as Bella is a "nothing". She doesn't listen to her friends, she has a cranky personality, she whines a lot, a bit arrogant, etc. But she still got the dreamy Edward Cullen just because "wala lang" - it just so happens that she has a nice human scent. That Edward can't read her mind without any explanation...that everything's just there for her. It just seems wrong. (Hahaha I do smell jealousy? No, only the reincarnation of a somewhat similar version of woe-is-me stories)

The sentence construction isn't that impressive too. It's too straight forward - leaving nothing for the imagination. Nothing boggles my mind with it . Everything is just there. It's different form Haruki Murakami's works wherein you're left puzzled and thinking for days, even weeks! He mixes up surreality with reality so it really is mind boggling.

Don't get me wrong, Meyer did a great job, indeed. It would be obvious by now since the Twilight series have become an International bestseller. It does says something about the writer.

Maybe I'm just disappointed because I expected too much. But could you blame me? Everyone's just all hyped up about it - I just formulated in my mind that it was REALLY REALLY BIG.

I won't judge you if you loooove Twilight. I don't exactly love it. But I like it enough for not to dislike it. We just have our own tastes. That's all.

But weirdly enough, contrary to all what I said, I'm still going to read the rest of the saga. I'm just curious. And like I said, I like it naman...in a way or two.

Vacuumed Wraith Blobs of Euphoria

I had a really bad day the other day and I didn't want to do anything school-related first thing I got home sooo I kinda played with paint. It's not much of a painting and I had no fixed idea on my mind. I just painted the first thing that came to me, so there. It's kinda ironic coz it's really colorful even if I was feeling so glum. Hence, the title. Hehe, don't worry if you don't get it that much. I don't either. Haha.

Notice the thing on the upper right? That's supposed to be a distorted UFO, sucking all the stuff. Just interpret whichever way you like haha.

Oh yeah, I guess I had too fun with paint that I didn't notice that my hair had its own share too haha. I went to school with a tiny bit of it on my hair :P Yeah hahaha this was it.

SOSE PLUGGING!

Today was very interesting. I was so giddy a while ago that I must have burned up all the sugar in my body. HAHAHA.

Makis and I (or more like, just me) helped Justin with the SOSE booth! My PR skills were put to the test! We gave out e-aji freebies and promoted the SOSE Launch Night. Haha, now I know how it feels to be all all perky just to convince people that freebies are indeed freebies. It won't bite them or their wallet. We're only asking a few seconds of their time..

And...I kinda memorized their promos in their tarp already!

THE PREMIER SOSE LAUNCH '08 NIGHT

Featuring Urbandub!
(insert other bands that I don't know...)

Unlimited henna tattoos and glitter tattoos!

August 8, 2008
Bellarmine Field
630-10 pm

Hmm that's the only thing that I could remember, but that shouldn't stop you from going! GO! GO! GO! SOSE Night! :D

And oh, if you also have time, vote for shirt No.2 when you pass by the Sec B foyer. Makis' blockmates designed it! Hehehe, In fairness, it looks really really cool so vote vote vote! I think the stub that you get from voting also serves as a free photo at the photo booth so go vote now! HAHAHA. I'm not sure though, Makis just told me.

Okay, it's just funny how I was even more involved in helping Sose than SOM. :)) Back in AMA, I didn't even join in any of the projects because I wasn't notified! HAHAHA.

Oh well. The whole thing was fun. I guess I can walk with a plakard saying "Will do extra curriculars for food"

Hehe, it's kinda weird when this is the only time that I'm giddy, but then I have to write a PSy paper about my most painful memory. Tsk tsk. I should have done it days ago pala! Haha. Iyan tuloy.

Oh well, I'm like chatting with Josel right now. Catching up and all :))

Some "excerpts" from today - hilarious!:
Jamir: Aww kinikilig parin si Ish. Love mo ba siya? Pula ka pa oh.
Ish: Huwattt? No, infatuation lang. :)

RJ: Mahilig ka pala sa ganyan a! :))

Drew: Adik! Aww kaya pala blooming ka ngayon e! (sabay kurot sa braso. OKAY CAN YOU NOT EMPHASIZE MY FLABBY ARMS?!)

Drew: Alam mo, bagay kayo.
Ish: *blushes*
Drew: Hahaha! Kinikilig ka naman! :))

Mark: Shet anong grade na ba niya? Hindi pa ata siya tuli e..

Allen: Ish...loser iyon


Hehe. Wala lang. Too bad I can't blog everything. Someone might see it! :S But anyhoo, gotta go now.

Ja. omoshirou desu yo.

Just laugh laugh laugh it off

It's quite chilly today and I'm loving it! :) I just switched off my aircon after freezing while eating my fave Green tea taro anmitsu (it's the Jap version of our halo-halo but with green tea ice cream!) . :P It's soooo good! It doesn't have that OFF slash awful grassy taste that you imagine...it's really really good! YUMMM! I'm warming myself up with a couple of takoyaki balls that mom brought home for me in the meantime :) And yeah, it has lotsa pusit compared to the ones in Ateneo. Sus. The one in school is just full of coleslaw.

Anyhoo, I have a Fil paper due tomorrw...and I'm just editing it na lang. :) But Im really nervous because my prof has really high standards. Parang A na agad kami sa ibang fil prof pero sa kanya...mga C+ lang. I'm hoping that my really awful Filipino writing skills will hypnotize him into giving me an A. Nyahaha. I guess I'm that bad. :)) I swear, ang gulo ko magsulat sa Filipino. It's like me writing English 20 times worse (as if my english isn't bad enough). Hahaha.

Math long test 3 on Tuesday. SHITTTTT. I hate the topic. It's really confusing . :(( Wish me luck! Lemme borrow all your guardian angels on Tuesday, ayt? Hehe.

I was really pissed last night. He misses me daw. And then he asked how I was doing. Hahaha I didn't even reply when he said that. But after a few minutes I really got irritated. Hindi pala niya alam na galit ako sa kanya for the past few weeks. Talk about DENSEEEE mehnnnn. Okay okay. I was like about to explode when he told me that he didn't know what to say. And that he knows that if he said something else, it would only make things worse. Ok. Ganun na lang? Okay okay. Ayosssssssssssssssssssss! \m/

HAHAHA. But seriously, wala talagang kwenta. :))

Hmmm...Miranda and I are texting each other! Wooh! But I dont think it'll last. She was forgetful enough to leave her charger. Galing! Haha. And they have yet to sign up for an internet account soooo I might snail mail her! Wooh old school! I always wanted to send and receive snail mails. I love how it's so personal. :P

Anyhoo, I gotta cram my Math.

I'm at the lib right now. Alone. Again. Hehehe but it's okay, I'm just waiting for Makis. :)

Oh gosh, Miranda's leaving tomorrow and I just don't know what to do. :S I've cried myself to sleep for the past weeks and I just don't know what'll happen once she actually leaves tomorrow. We have an LS field trip tomorrow going to Subic Metropolitian Area so I have to wake up really early tomorrow pa. :( I bet my blockmates would notice that my eyebags are actually reaching my chin?! HAHAHA. I dunno, I'll just have to wait and see. Makis and I will be attending the Tarong talk later too, before going to Miranda's house. I want to attend it just to see if my answers for the paper actually make sense. :P

And oh...I'm so glad that I'm not the only one who's experiencing this feeling of emptiness. Wooh! But he's not my blockmate, just kinda an acquiantance. But I'm just so glad that I'm not the only one! Like, we're feeling this red-light warning that there's more to life than what's here right now. And in Psych, I forgot what the term's called but it's a stage wherein you make life-decisons and ponder if your really living the life that you want. And what's the purpose of everything? Is it just there for the sake that SM can put a price tag on it? Or is it there just because it is? Is it there because God said so?

I really don't know..but I guess it's just reassuring to know that all these frustrations are actually normal. Pero bakit ganoon, halos wala naman sa mga kilala ko ganoon? Well maybe they have yet to experience it or will never experience it? Hmm...bahala na. I'm not complaining. I'm actually quite thankful that I get to experience these kind of things. It makes me smarter and stronger. Hehe drama, much?

Eww. I just discovered some disturbing news from some of my blockmates. Just ask me in ym what it is! Nyahaha.

And most of my blockmates know that I'm actually shifting. :)) Yeah, that was the "thing" I was talking about weeks back. Baka naman you thought that I was pregnant ah! :))

And I just want to explain myself. I'm not shifting to Psych solely because I'm having a hard time in Management. To tell you the truth, I never liked Management. I just chose it because I thought that it was just common to do so. I mean come on, my immediate family is mainly composed of bankers. So there. I thought that I'll eventually like it anyway. But I just don't okay? Business concepts lull me to sleep and I just can't digest the fact that I'll actually have a job that's quite stiff and "bland". I secretly cried when my ate let me wear her office attire for my ITM defense. My parents were like" wow! Ganyan na ganyan ka after grad!" Parang...ugh. It's like you really have to conform to everything. Do exactly this and exactly that and I'll say exactly this. I don't want that. You may have different opinions about Mgt, but I do have this. And I'm kinda irritated by some people who think Psych is easy. Na medyo walang kwenta siya. Excuse me? Almost everything revolves how we interact with each other and how we should deal with things in a certain matter anyway. And besides, I'll be considered as a researcher, and it also qualifies for pre-med and pre-law. I can also go into business, you know. And please, it does have a QPI requirement to get in. Evn higher that what;s required for ME, I think. I work so hard in shifting, you just have no idea how much people I had to talk to, how much nervousness I had to deal with, how much files needs to be asked for and submitted, how much gut that actually made me push through with all of this. I hope that you respect that and learn to appreciate that I'm doing this for me and not for being "in the flow" of things. It's not like I'm giving up. I'm actually making pro-acive actions.

Anyhoo, Makis is standing behind me right now. And medyo nakakaconscious na. Kaya till her na lang! Hehehe. We'll eat na! CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP! :D

Maybe I'm just trying too hard

Nikko just told me a while ago that he actually read my blog and said that I was emo. Then it hit me. I am kinda emo these days....which is rather weird. I'm generally a perky person, ask anyone I know in high school. I dunno. I guess my energy's just sucked out. And I don't think it's solely because of school. It's because of everything in this wretched life I'm leading. HAHA JOKING ON THAT LAST LINE :))

I don't know...I bet my college peers would label me as someone deadma and sometimes cranky. But some of them still consider me as perky. Pero...parang wala ng depth ang lahat-lahat. I'm just living because I'm breathing. And not the other way way around.

I don't wanna be labeled as emo. I hope this is just a phase coz I myself am disgusted at the though of me being emo. Just think of me as someone who amateurly philosophizes about things happening to herself. Hindi naman ako nagsusuot ng black at nasposport ng black eyeliner.

lonermania

I've been siting in the library for about 2 hours now. And woot! I'm alone. Again. Haha. Just like old times. Yeah, oo na. I have my loner tendencies. But sometimes I like being alone. Nobody to please. Nobody to piss you off.

Pero naiinis na ako ngayon. Kanina pa ako naghihintay dito at ayaw pa gumana wifi ko sa laptop. Naiinis pa ako kasi ang sci10 orals na iyan sa Tuesday na. And I'm still not sure what I'm going to talk about. I wouldn't want to join the overflowing bandwagon of people who'll talk about computers and cellphones. I might pick DSLRS as my topic. But helloooooooo I might just get dumbfounded if I get bombarded by questions at the end of my speech. Hindi naman ako super knowledgeable sa DSLRS. Heck, I'm not even an expert in handling my own DSLR. WAHAHA. Ang skwater talaga.

Hay. It's really cold in the library. Too cold to even feel your own fingers. I kinda miss staying at the library though. I used to stay here everyday to study while waiting for my 4 hr break to finish...now my breaks are scarce so I only reserve them for eating meals.

I don't know. I'm really irritable right now. It's like there's this really really big gap between us. Wala na talagang pakialamanan. Ganun ba talaga pag tumatanda na? More on being civil and stiff na lang? Sorry na, pero medyo mga walang kwenta mga taong to. Hindi naman ako nageexpect ng malaki e. Kahit kaunting warmth o sense of security man lang ioffer nila. Pero wala. Walang kwenta. Pero salamat. Dahil sa inyo naiiexperience ko na ang real world. And churva a. Ang plastic pa ng dating. Pasabi-sabi pa ng mga ganyan di naman pinapakita. More on competition lang kasi ang lahat. Ganyan na lang ba talaga tayo? Naiinis na talaga ako. Pero alam ko naman na hindi tayo magiging "ganun" e. Naiinis lang ako kung bakit napadpad din kayo sa lugar kung saan ako napunta. Sobrang iba naman tayo sa isa't isa.

Okay. Okay.

Update naman sa bago kong crush! (naks nag tagalog na talaga ako e noh. mas masarap mag tagalog pa inis e) Haha. Ang dami naring may alam sa block. Sabi nila sobrang liit at totoy daw. Mukha daw gradeschool. Sabi naman ni Raffy iyon nga iyong tipo ko. Parang may pulbos pa at lampin sa likod. Haha. Naiinis ako dahil ang daming nakakakita sa kanya. Sa lib. Sa covcourts. Sa Faura. Sa dorm. Sa KFC. Sa caf. Bakit ako di ko siya nakikita? May isang araw nga alam ko kung saan siya the whole day. Una, cov courts. Tapos siyempre fil class. Tapos lib. Tapos KFC. Tapos dorm na ulit. Hahaha. Hindi ko siya sinunsundan a. Bigla na lang ako tinetext ng mga tao kung saan siya, kahit di ko naman tinatanong. Naiinis lang ako. BAKIT AKO DI KO SIYA NAKIKITA :( Pero yay! Good news! At naconfirm na ng blockmate ko na mas matangkad daw crush ko kaysa sa akin. Yay! Wahaha. And wala daw girlfriend. Wahahaha. Thank you ECE people for the info. nyahaha.

Hmm. Ang tagal naman ng oras. At wala na akong magawang matino. Sana dinala ko na lang notebooks ko. O kaya umuwi na lang ako kung alam ko lang na 4 pala kami aalis. Kala ko naman kasi 3. Hayayay.


Ang konti naman ng tao sa lib pag Sabado. Sana man lang pumunta crush ko dito para mainspire ako kahit konti.

[edit]

5 oras pala ako naghintay. Ang loner ng araw na ito. Kumain ako ng lung sa caf mag-isa. Naghintay sa lib ng 4 na oras. Pumunta ng Som mall tapos kala ko may kasama na ako. Pero naghintay pa ako ng isa pang oras. Wooh!

It's been a long time since I last blogged...and I just felt the urgency to update just a little bit..

This week has been relatively light. Most of the papers I've done last week anyway. Only the Fil paper's on the way but I already wrote down the outline.

Math LT last Tuesday. I was able to answer all of the questions but I'm not really sure of my answers. I do hope they're right, that's 6 effin' units mehn.

Last Friday was Miranda's despidida! I picked her up at her house because her Kuya was rushed to the hospital so nobody could bring her to my house. So...if Miranda couldn't come, there was no sense throwing a party for her, right? Hehe. Anyhoo, I watched her play the piano while waiting for her. Oh gosh, it's been the longest time since I watched somebody play classical pieces on the piano. I dunno, this may sound weird, but I get lost whenever I watch (and hear of course) somebody perform on the piano. There's just something about it that makes you nostalgic and feel exhilarating at the same time.


We were just seven at that time, but that's okay. Iyon lang naman iyong mg close talaga and a few missing people. Now I've learned something about "organizing" events. Never ever invite people who aren't that close to the "celebrant". They just waste your time and load! I must have texted msgs worth 10 pesos for each person! Haha. And they don't even bother replying or at least acknowledge your invite.

Josel's surprise partaaay last Saturday naman. Her reaction was my exact guess. Parang "WAAA di ko alam gagawin ko. huhuhuhu" Yeah, you can say I know you pretty well. Landi mo hahaha. It was fun. Kamayan sa banana leaves. At hindi banana plate ah. Banana leaf table. :D The food was so good! Good job Tita Relly! Hahaha. We especially love the qwek qwek. It's an inside joke. Arra actually thought that the puto was qwek qwek. It had a kutsinta color and had big chunks of cheese so we can't really blame her. But shucks, it was so soo good!

Imagine hand-picking your sushi and wasabi? It's even tastier that way! Haha!

And oh, sorry for the video Josel. WINDOWS movie maker is such a sucker. I made that video for 5 freaking hours because movie maker kept on crashing! Panay errors! And it hanged like there was no tomorrow! It's really unreliable, so I suggest that you download some other movie maker program. Magmamakaawa ka pang ma retrieve iyong ginawa mo after it shuts down by itself. I HATE IT! HAHAHA. Kaya tuloy, mali-mali iyong timing ng subtitles!

I'll post the pics of both events soon. Still kinda busy, e. Hehe.

I'm off to school!

go dell

I hate it when people ask if I'm okay or not and pretend like they actually care. After like monologuing for minutes, I'd just get this empty "ahhh". As if a cyber hug equates to the real thing. It's a sweet gesture, but how do I know if your being sincere or just typed in ">:D<" just to say something? Why even bother asking? You didn't even gave me any advice or said anything to put some sense into my already chaotic mind.

After a few blunt responses I get, it just boils down into nothingness. Like he's not even listening. Like he just asked how I was just so he would appear like the "good guy" in the picture. He doesn't listen to me anymore. He has his own world going on. I let him share all his stories, problems, acad-wise or even his love life. I always listen and try my best to give enthusiastic says on anything. It's like everything's one-sided now. He just doesn't care. Anymore.

I just wished I could say the same thing too. That I couldn't care less...but I can't.

Just stay away from me. Why even let me think that you even care? Go bury yourself in ash.

Just yesterday I was just so mad at myself for being so confused and inefficient. I cried every minute of the day, even when there were people around, trying my best not to be noticed. My only rest period was when I slept. But still, I'd wake up and know that I still cried myself to sleep and that my then-dry pillowcase was still full of dried tears.

I was scared. Terrified even. I just couldn't handle all the crossroad decisions and all the pressure.

----------------------------------------------------

They finally know.

Just when I thought that nobody could really bare all my whining and dazed ponderings, my parents came to the rescue. Of all the people, they were the most understanding. I actually thought that they would just say OK or whatever, but no. They talked to me for about an hour and my Dad gave me the warmest hug ever. I dunno, but tonight was really weird. I had this special connection with them - they really understood what I was going through. Oh well, there's no turning back now. I'm starting a new leaf tomorrow, and I'm about to pee in my shorts. I'm scared to death. But this is something I have to go through - in one way or another, it'll make me stronger.


-july08-